brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
