i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I have already put on my inside pants.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
