Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
