Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm at about main and main street
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
