dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
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