his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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