Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
