He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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