There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
