He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
