Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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