I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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