I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
