the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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