oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
