I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
