Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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