My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Randomize
