I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
