Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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