note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
