if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
