After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
