Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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