Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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