i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Randomize
