I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
