Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
