you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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