he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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