I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Come on in and take your pants off
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