1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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