And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
