Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
