every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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