I'm eating all of the evidence.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
