DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
