i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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