i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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