Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
