Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
