i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
