And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
