His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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