I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
