then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You may now shotgun with the bride
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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