Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
