I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I love you. Go after that dick
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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