this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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