That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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