mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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